The Smell of the Crucible- May 2

Kind of an easy night. Woke him up every two hours to pee in a cup for the hospital to analyze. So far so good.

These rooms are weird. Bench on the side with a mattress for overnighters. TV with a Remote that serves as the speaker. Multiple places around the room that if you back into it calls emergency service. Large roomy bathroom with a very familiar smell.

As soon as I stepped into the bathroom yesterday I smelled the same smell in all of the bathrooms. It smells like tears.

Mine.

Each time we’ve been here, I’ve had to excuse myself from the room so that Leo, who needs to see me take all this stuff in as normal, doesn’t see me falling apart.

This hospital room is our battle field.

This place is our path through The Valley of the Shadow

This is where our fear must collide with our faith.

I hate the feeling in the bathroom because I suddenly remember that I fear sometimes. I’ve ignored the life and death struggle because our lives are so full of life. He was sedated yesterday for chemo into his spine, he received another quick five min chemo drip, and since 4pm yesterday has been absorbing a bag of chemo the size of a newborn baby. He came in full of silly and life. His appetite is now gone and his eyes are sinking in.

This is just the path and we will leave here one step closer to victory.

“Oh, my soul, you are not alone

There’s a place where fear has to face

The God you know.”-casting crowns

Categories: Leo

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